Radically Changing Our Stories to Overcome Victim Mentality

The world is unfair. The world is discriminatory. The world is dangerous, and full of malice, and murder, and genocide. This, of course, isn't the whole story. Nevertheless, it is a big part of our current reality. In addition, It's likely that things will only continue to get worse, for all of us. The slim possibility of a sharp turn into a utopian society based on love and respect for one another, other species, and the planet we exist on is not something to plan for. We must plan for the worst. In order to do this, we will need to change our stories. The stories we tell ourselves and the stories we tell others.

"Sometimes stories are repeated so much that we take them on as a persona. Those stories begin to encompass who we are, and you eventually get to the point that who you are is the really just sum of the injustice and violence that has been done to you."

We must move past what we believe others need to do for us to feel better to focus on what we can do for ourselves. An extremely detrimental consequence of the popularity of social media is our perceived need to perform/signal for others, to relentlessly seek approval and apologies and likes. This type of thinking leads to the incorrect notion that pointing out what we perceive to be faults in others' thinking or ideology publicly somehow makes us stronger or more righteous. That repeatedly bringing our status as a victim to the attention of others helps us grow. In reality, social media is merely an arena of chaos, providing few real benefits to its users and a vast database of priceless information for governments, advertisers, and corporations to mine from.

Telling ourselves and others that we are victims over and over is the opposite of a positive affirmation. Yes, what happened happened, and what continues to happen also happens. No matter what is said, though, the past is still there; oppression and hatred and prejudice also still exists. A huge percentage of us are (and have been) victims. I am not advocating for silence; I am advocating for victims of discrimination and wrongdoings in places like America and other developed, wealthy countries to change the stories they tell.

I, personally, have been victimized, multiple times. I am discriminated against, targeted, and judged unfairly on a regular basis, based on the color of my skin. Yet, I now refuse to make those facts the highlights of my story. Sometimes stories are repeated so much that we take them on as a persona. Those stories begin to encompass who you are, and you eventually get to the point that who you are is the really just sum of the injustice and violence that has been done to you, nothing more. On the other hand, we also must not be silent and grieve alone. But it comes to the point where you must cease to call yourself a victim. You may have been victimized. You may have been offended. Your feelings may have been hurt (your body, too). Transform that pain into something better. Take that hurt and let it make you stronger.

If you need to unplug from social media to stop feeling the need to assert your victimhood, then do it. Ignore that part of you that needs external validation, so that you can tear down who you are and rebuild. Transform into a stronger, smarter, more confident and secure person while no one is watching. Once you have taken all of the energy you used to use for seeking the approval of others, asserting your victimhood, and participating in social media and redirected it to improving yourself and changing how to interact with others, you will see. You will then understand how it was all holding you back, and how harmful and damaging it all was to you. And you will be able to look in the mirror and say, "Yes, I have been victimized. But I am not a victim."

Take a self-defense class, and see how good it feels to assert yourself. To hit something, hard. Resolve to fight. Surround yourself with others who have overcome hardships, and learn to fight together (physically and mentally). Change your name if you need to. Cut off all of your hair. Do something drastic (but not harmful to your health or body) that signals to the universe that you are no longer who you once were. Use this chance to empower yourself. Walk the road alone until you can find others on the same path.

"I imagined cutting off my long dirty blonde hair, and dying it crimson red in a dramatic scene in a rest-stop bathroom—like a scene from Thelma and Louise, with dangerous music playing in the background, Alanis’s voice screaming in the backdrop of my metamorphosis:

“And there I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off,

slap me with the splintered ruler

And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already

If only I could hunt the hunter…”

...and there I am, changing my reflection in the mirror—and then, cut to me drying my new short crimson head of hair over a rusty rest-stop sink in the middle of nowhere. And you can see in my eyes, that I've changed."

—From "Mary", by Lauren A.